Reviews
JOURNAL OF THE NATIONAL MEDICAL ASSOCIATION: VOL. 98, NO. 11, NOVEMBER 2006
“It All Starts at Home: 15 Ways to Put Family First”
By Larry C. Harris, MD
Reviewed by Yoreel Trumpet, DMin, MDiv, MA
Larry C. Harris, M.D. in his work offers a comprehensive approach to raising a healthy family. Reflecting on his own upbringing he believes that these guiding principles attribute to raising spiritually and emotionally strong children. Yes, it takes a village to raise a child and for the Harris children the family is that village. Dr. Harris is clear, it all starts at home and the family is the most important unit of society. Family comes first.
In this informative and inspirational book, Dr. Harris shares 15 ways to put family first. They include, (1)honor your name-it is the most important thing you have, (2) when you live what you teach, your family has no trouble following, (3)God is premier, and then the family, (4) stand together, and stand up for each other, (5) each child is responsible for the next younger child, (6) your best friends are your family members, (7) always be willing to give to those less fortunate, (8) respect each other and respect those older, (9) don’t compromise to be recognized, you’ll be recognized because you didn’t compromise, (10) any honest job is good, (11) set goals and achieve them, (12) in the face of failure and disappointment, drive on, (13) pay back what you borrow or it’s stealing, (14) follow God’s commands for purity and (15) you’re as good as anybody else. No one is inferior. This is a very noble list.
It is to this set of values that Dr. Harris and his siblings attribute their success. It is in the family that we are taught these values and life’s principles that fashion us into strong and loving individuals. The Harris children learned to be responsible and accountable. They learned to work hard and think critically. They learned how to be resilient, self reliant, and financially wise. They learned how to love each other and how to love God.
This book is refreshing in a culture that more and more chooses not to recognize the existence of God and diminishes the significance of the church. Dr. Harris shares that he never doubted the existence of God or God’s love for him. It is the presence of God in his life and in the lives of his family members that is most significant in raising and maintaining a strong family. Prayer was a part of growing up in his home every day. They spent a lot of time in church and remain active in the church today. Faith starts at home.
Dr. Harris shares that his father was his #1 hero. His father set the standard and he lived the life he wanted his children to follow. Family was his father’s life. His mother stayed at home because his father believed a husband was to take care of the financial needs of his household. So he did it with integrity. Unfortunately, it is becoming more difficult for women to be stay at home moms because of current economic realities.
The book offers a challenge and a prescription for families. Dr. Harris states, “there is a need for not only Black families but all families especially Christians to get back to basic family values of love, hard work and God.” In this statement he realizes just how unhealthy family life has become for some families. Married couples are divorcing seemingly at increasing rates and the Christian divorce rate is almost equal to that of society in general. Some fathers are choosing not to work in order not to pay child support; the number of children in foster care appears to be increasing because of family dysfunction. The ability of one parent to do the work of two parents is becoming more difficult in a village that is dis-eased.
Dr. Harris’ parents are to be commended for a job well done. It Starts at Home: 15 Ways to Put Family First is an excellent book. However, a chapter on where to get help with parenting skills and other family issues would have been helpful. Nevertheless, Dr. Harris is correct; there is a need to get back to the basics of love, hard work and God. I would add that it is not the task of schools, government and social service agencies to raise healthy families. Yes, it starts at home and it starts with the heart. Thank you, Dr. Harris for focusing on the family.
If you read the classic "Gifted Hands" about African American neurosurgeon, Dr. Ben Carson, then you know the quality of this book. Written by Carson's college roommate, Dr. Larry Harris, and veteran co-author Cecil Murphey, this book is a real story about a real family. The best team is the home team and that's where it all starts.
A "must read" for every student, but it's not just for youth or African Americans. With so many families labeled as dysfunctional, everyone needs to see how a healthy family functions. Harris' family was not like the Cosby family on television. His parents didn't even graduate from high school yet raised nine children who all graduated from college and are "still holding on to the Lord, working actively in the church and...helping those in need."
It All Starts at Home is a collection of life lessons that many adults have forgotten and children don't know. Harris gives 15 reasons why family should be first - not cash, careers or cars. In the era plagued with family therapists and high divorce rates, this book will reawaken the "mother wit" that keeps families flourishing.
Harris says, "I developed my life philosophy through my strong family ties and friendship with my siblings: Nothing comes easy. Life is about ups and downs, successes and failures. How well we survive depends on how well we can get up when we fall down. The love of God and the love of family are the hydraulic jacks that we need to lift us up."
Pam Perry, freelance writer/columnist
Author Larry C. Harris is the second of Fred and Ruth's nine children. Except for a stopover in Germany, he grew up in pre-civil rights Fayetteville, North Carolina, where his father served in the US Army. It All Starts at Home: 15 Ways to Put Family First is more than a tribute to Dr. Harris' parents; this book sets forth a model for how to raise a loving family.
The author's experiences have shown him that children will follow their parents' lead. A father who takes on any honest labor-change to job in order to care for his own teaches the value of honest labor and responsibility. A mother who lives the Gospel she teaches shows her children how to honor God, respect add others, and the joy of helping others-change to giving. Parents who support each other and defend their children-change to offspring raise children who stand up for each other.
Dr. Harris's best friends are his family members, and with his siblings' blessing, the author uses childhood anecdotes to illustrate his family's values. When one brother faced financial difficulties, he willingly helped his brother reach solvency. When another brother needed a kidney, every sibling offered theirs; the brother who donated graciously risked his career for his sibling. Wouldn't you love your children to be that dedicated to each other?
Though the entire work is filled with excellent, easy-to-emulate behaviors, the last one merits special attention. "You're as good as anybody else. No one is inferior." Words every human should remember to live by.
This man walks the walk as well as talks the talk. He doesn't attempt to shove his parents' methods down readers' throats, but rather tells his family's story in a straightforward manner. He readily confesses his own errors--read the story in which he took his mother's permission to defend himself to inappropriate heights. In a time when the existence of family values seems endangered, Dr. Harris's fresh, new voice inspires hope. If you want to give your children a better present and a brighter future, heed his call!
By Meredith Jacobs, Editorial writer, The Fayetteville Observer
This week's dilemma: How to write about a new book and tell enough so that readers know what it's about, while not giving away so much information that the details ruin a story another staff writer wants to do about the author and his remarkable parents.
And remarkable isn't an exaggeration to describe this family. A couple raised nine children who then became so successful that only the Bushes and the Kennedys could compete in their league for bragging rights as parents.
To top it off, Fred and Ruth Harris didn't have the advantages and money that helped those well-known families get through the rough spots.
The two Fayetteville residents raised their nine children in Fayetteville during the pre-civil rights era -- a time when segregation was the rule and discrimination was not only attitude but law.
Despite all these obstacles, they persevered and all nine of their children are college graduates. Larry C. Harris, who wrote the book about his parents and siblings, is a pediatrician (and like Bush pa and Bush son, a Yale man).
His late brother Fred was a dentist. His sister Deborah holds a doctorate, and the twins -- Michael and Mitchell -- also earned their degrees, with Michael later getting a master's in business.
Come to think of it, the Harris parents outdid the Bushes and the Kennedys. Their kids were wise enough to do good in the world while staying away from the ruthless world of national politics.
But if I write much more about the Harris family principles for motivating children, then I've firmly trounced on that other staff writer's beat.
But I'll just say this: Larry Harris holds the best credentials for writing this book of any author on the market today, and not just as a pediatrician. He was raised by two people who knew what they were doing. He was there, in that home, and knows how they did it. These principles aren't fanciful theories or fads. They are tried and tested. You can't argue with success.
By Chick Jacobs, Staff writer, The Fayetteville Observer
Larry Harris knew his parents loved him. He knew it just as sure as he knew he'd get a spanking when his mother found out he'd been misbehaving again.
Forty years later, Harris' rear end has long since forgotten the lesson. But his heart remembers. So does his mirror.
“When you look in the mirror every morning, do you like what you see?” asks Harris. The Fayetteville pediatrician isn't referring to the unkempt hair, stubble and creeping wrinkles. He's talking about the person behind that sleepy mask.
“Well, kids are the mirror of their parents,” he continues. When you look at your kids, you see what you've put into them.
“The lessons you've taught them are reflected like a mirror back at you.”
And in Harris' case -- and in the cases of his eight siblings -- those lessons always seem to begin with “As my mother said...”
Mother must have done something right. None of her nine children got in trouble with the law, failed to go through school or drifted away from the church. Some went to Duke, others to Yale, still others to careers as Army officers.
Not bad for the brood of a soldier and a young bride who didn't finish high school.
Harris has taken the lessons of life his mother preached and turned them into a book that's part guidepost, part history. And fittingly enough, the title comes from his mom: “It All Starts At Home.”
The book, co-written with inspirational author Cecil Murphy, lists values some might call old-fashioned. Chapters deal with things like integrity, sharing, caring and discipline. Above all, it stresses honoring the family and standing together against the dangers of the world.
“My daddy used to say, 'Drive on,' which meant keep going when things are tough,” Harris says. “It's something we all took to heart.”
Longtime folks from Fayetteville will recognize some of the book's locations. People who grew up military brats will recall a lot of the situations.
And everyone who grew up in a home where love walked hand-in-glove with respect will know Harris' mother.
Ruth Harris is a great-grandmother now, and she admits to a touch of spoiling her children's children (“Not spoiling them ugly, though,” she adds with a smile). She still lives in Fayetteville, where she's lived since her grandparents ran a boarding house on Moore Street.
“I raised them, just like my mother raised me,” she says. “The same things my momma taught me hold true. My dad died when I was 8 years old. I never saw Momma with a boyfriend in the house. We learned respect and love of God early.”
She still expects to hear from her kids regularly, and she still remembers the secret of raising children.
“The secret is to be fair and be consistent,” she says. “If it's wrong to slam a door today, it'll be wrong to slam it tomorrow.
“Too many people enforce rules depending on how they feel. Children need a strong base. You teach them at an early age that they are part of a family, and that family has expectations.”
“She and Daddy had a saying: 'You're a Harris,'” Dr. Harris says. “Whatever you did, you were judged on that. They told us we were just as good as anyone, but we were never to give less than our best.”
That included personal behavior and education.
“We stressed education for all our kids,” Ruth Harris says. “Everything starts with a good education. We didn't say you had to become a doctor or anything like that. If you wanted to be a garbage man, that was all right. You'll just be the best garbage man you could be.
“And I'd look at their conduct grade before any other. If they had a C in conduct, it didn't matter if the rest were all A's. They were in trouble, and they knew it. I'd tell them I can teach a dumb dog to sit and be still. You're smarter than that, so there's no excuse for you to act up in class.”
The twin lessons of respect and education came at a crucial time for the family. They were raised at the tail end of segregation, when drinking fountains bore signs saying “White” and “Colored” and spots at a downtown soda fountain might as well have been the throne of England for minorities.
Larry recalls how his mom helped guide the kids through those hard times. When a well-behaved Larry made the social mistake of sitting in a “white-only” section, she reaffirmed their dignity, yet reinforced the law of the time.
“She said, 'You're as good as any person. Your name is Harris, and you are as good as anyone in the world. Skin color doesn't matter. It's what's inside that counts.'”
While Ruth had the bulk of the family discipline, her husband, Fred, was an integral part of the kids' lives.
“He was working two jobs so I didn't have to work,” Ruth said. “And he wasn't always there, but it was clear to the children that he loved them.”
And that he and mom were on the same page when it came to discipline.
“We agreed on how to raise the family,” she says. “He was more of a talker, and when he said something, they heard it. Me, sometimes I had to enforce my words with a little something else.”
“We got spankings, not beatings,” Harris says. “Discipline doesn't mean cruelty.”
Ruth agrees. Parenting, she says, isn't a popularity contest.
“I hear so many people today saying that they want to be their child's friend,” she says. “That's fine, but remember that a friend, a true friend, will stop you from doing the wrong thing.
“I told them that nobody loves a sassy child but that child's mother and father. And they were not going to be sassy. We were in charge, and that is the way it was.
“But they knew we loved them. They knew why they were being disciplined. It wasn't just a spanking because we felt like it.”
There was a firm family foundation of faith as well. The parents were Seventh Day Adventist and instructed their children early.
“I told them at an early age that their father and I might not see everything they did, but their heavenly Father certainly did,” she says.
“We learned to put God first,” Harris adds. “We learned not to put our trust in riches, but in the Lord.”
“Kids need to know that you'll be there for them,” Ruth says. “I was the biggest cheerleader at events.”
And she remains a fighter. Fred Harris died in 1993 after a lengthy illness. Last year it looked like his wife would join him.
“We got to the emergency room at Cape Fear Medical Center, and they were beating on her chest,” Harris says. “We were pretty sure this was going to be it.
“Then when she was in a room, she saw us gathered around. She said, 'Are y'all giving up on me? God hasn't given up on me, and y'all better not be giving up, either!'
“She made a full recovery, and we learned a lesson. Things happen in the Lord's time, not ours.”
Other tragedies have hit the Harris family. In 1994 Fred, the oldest son, was killed in a plane crash in Maryland.
“Mother says that no one said the way would be easy,” Harris notes. “But how we deal with life reflects on the people we are. And that reflects on our parents.”
Like that morning mirror shining from one generation to the next.
***
THE PRINCIPLES
Larry Harris' guidelines for keeping the family first from his book “It All
Starts At Home”:
Honor your name.
Live what you teach.
God comes first.
Stand up for each other.
Each child is responsible for the next youngest.
Make family your best friends.
Give to those less fortunate.
Respect your elders and each other.
Don't compromise to be recognized.
An honest job is a good job.
Set goals and achieve them.
Drive on in the face of failure.
Pay back what you borrow.
Follow God's commands for purity.
You're as good as anyone.
Family values and a strong family unit is something we often hear about but we are often left to wonder, "How to create one?"
Dr. Larry C. Harris has written a compelling, inspiring, life-application book that will provide wisdom, insight and knowledge regarding ways you can begin to put family first, and, by doing so, creating and sustaining the emotionally healthy, spiritually grounded, mentally strong family unit that you dream of. You deserve a happy, thriving and flourishing family. With this gem of a book you will have the only resource you need in a simple and easy format to make it happen today.
Perfect as gift for expectant parents or single Moms, too!
Reviewed by M. Lorraine for The GOOD GIRL Book Club www.goodgirlbookclubonline.com |
